Never
Do This. Lol
Jennifer's
date just could not stop talking about her feet
Jennifer's dating horror story in her own words...
Talk about a serious foot fetish, Jennifer's date couldn't stop
talking about her feet the very first time they went out...
I’m all for feet. I mean, they get me to and from where I
need to go each day. And I enjoy the regular springtime pedicures…not
to mention the little foot massage that comes along with it. But
my affinity for feet basically ends there. Not so for Jerry, the
guy I went out with the other night.
It all began when one of my single gal pals and I hit up a bar in
the big city, trolling for new potential male harem members. I was
on my second martini when Jerry smiled at me from across the bar.
He was a good looking fella…good looking in the ken doll sort
of way. You know, tall, blonde & blue, nice bod.
So I smiled back. A couple of those oh-so-cleverly thrown flirtatious
glances later (or shall I say after an extended “eye date”),
Jerry was by my side, introducing himself. My first thought was,
“Jerry is a pretty goofy name.” But, what the hell,
Cindy says you can’t be too picky when creating the male harem,
so I stuck with the conversation. Turns out, Jerry is a pretty cool
guy…smart (college educated), successful, and quite flattering.
We talked for the next hour or so and he gave me his number.
I called him and we had a brief but pleasant conversation, setting
up a date for the weekend. I was hyped! I thought, this could be
it— 17 bad dates be damned—this could be the one that
turns into an actual relationship.
This was a rather traumatic experience for me… somewhere around
when the appetizer arrived, Jerry hit me with an unusual bit of
flattery: “You’ve got really nice feet.” I stopped
chewing and glanced down at my French-manicured, sandal-clad toes,
and thought, that’s weird, but maybe he’s just nervous
and couldn’t come up with anything to say during that bit
of silence when I was chewing. But, no, this was not the case. For
then, Jerry said, “They’re almost perfect—the
way your toes go in order like steps.” I laughed a little
(albeit uncomfortably) and acknowledged this strange-oid compliment
with a “thanks,” and promptly went back to eating that
appetizer. Well, then (oh, yes, it continues), Jerry says to me,
“Do you ever paint them red or pink?”
“What? My toes?” I said, taken aback. I couldn’t
believe we were still talking about my feet! “Yeah,”
he said, “I mean, I like the French manicure and everything,
but I really like pinks and reds on toes best. French manicures
are really more for hands.”
Okay, now I had no idea what to say back, so I took another healthy
sip from my drink, and said, “Well, yeah…sometimes I
paint them red, but I’m not really a pink kind of girl.”
He continues on the subject and asks if I enjoy foot massages. I
said sure, from my pedicurist, but other than that, I really don’t
indulge myself in them. Well, he says, then “I’d love
to give you a foot massage.”
By this point, the waiter had finally arrived with my second drink
and the entrée. I promptly began digging in just to avoid
any more feet talk, when Jerry said, “Well, would you like
that?” I said “I’m sorry…what?” He
said “If I gave you a foot massage…would you like that?”
Another healthy swallow from the martini glass, and I leaned across
the table conspiratorially, and said, “You do know it sounds
like you have a foot fetish, right?” And he said, like it
was the most perfectly normal thing to be discussing on a first
date, “Yes.” Shocked, I think I finished half my drink.
I mean, who admits to deviant sexual behaviors/fantasies on a first
date…what the hell was wrong with this guy?
He then proceeded to tell me that he probably wasn’t the first
foot fetishist I’d met. In fact, he felt quite sure that at
least one of my previous boyfriends (without knowing them or anything
about them) must have had a foot fetish. I’m not really sure
why I bothered, but I argued this point with him, explaining that
I had never had any boyfriend who willing offered himself up as
my foot masseuse. He said, “How about one who liked licking
your toes? Or sucking them?” I said, “Eww…no!”
He said, well if not a boyfriend, what about a male relative. I
almost choked on my food then, and washed it down with the rest
of my drink. Then to top this fine evening off, he offered to suck
and lick my toes that very evening if I was willing. OMG!
The only thing I was willing to do at that point was flag down the
waiter and ask him to bring the check as quickly as possible. I
excused myself to the bathroom while he went after it. But of course,
Mr. Feet was paying by card, so I had to endure a few more minutes
of really uncomfortable silence (he didn’t have much to say
after I turned down his toe-licking offer) before I practically
ran to my car.
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